Rising Rooted

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One of the most common questions about therapy is also one of the simplest:

What actually happens when we work with emotions?

For me, emotions aren’t problems to solve.

They’re signals. Movements. Processes that want to complete themselves.

A lot of my understanding here is influenced by approaches like AEDP and Somatic Experiencing, which both view emotions as something that can move through the body—when there’s enough safety and space for that to happen.

But this isn’t something that only belongs in therapy.

It’s something humans already do, when conditions allow.

Why Emotions Can Feel So Complicated

Most of us weren’t taught how to feel things all the way through.

So instead, we develop ways of managing them:

• thinking our way around them
• pushing them down
• distracting ourselves
• staying busy

None of this is wrong.

In many cases, it was necessary.

But over time, emotions that don’t get processed don’t just disappear. They can show up as tension, overwhelm, numbness, or a general sense of being stuck.

The Triangle (A Simple Way to Understand What’s Happening)

One framework I find helpful is something called the triangle of change.

You don’t need to memorize it—just picture this:

At the surface, we often have defenses (the things we do to not feel too much—overthinking, avoiding, staying busy).

Alongside that, there are inhibitory emotions like anxiety, guilt, or shame (these tend to block access to deeper feelings).

And underneath that are core emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or even joy.

When emotions feel confusing or overwhelming, it’s often because we’re caught in the upper parts of the triangle.

The work isn’t to force our way down.

It’s to gently move toward what’s underneath—at a pace that feels safe enough.

What Emotional Processing Actually Looks Like

It’s rarely dramatic.

More often, it’s subtle.

A moment of noticing. A shift in the body. Something softening, or becoming clearer.

If I were to simplify the process, it might look something like this:

• Notice Something feels different—an emotion, a sensation, a shift in energy
• Name (if it helps) Giving it language can sometimes organize the experience
• Stay (briefly) Let yourself feel it in the body, even just for a few seconds
• Express (in some way) through words, movement, writing, or even just allowing a reaction
• Let it move emotions tend to change when they’re allowed to exist

Not every moment needs all of these steps.

Sometimes you only get one.

Sometimes you skip it entirely.

When You Don’t Have Capacity

It’s also important to say: You don’t always need to process your emotions.

Sometimes coping is the most appropriate response.

Distraction, rest, numbing, staying busy—these are not failures. They are strategies.

The difference is having some flexibility.

Being able to sometimes stay, and sometimes step away.

A Small Somatic Moment

If you want to try this in a gentle way:

Think of something mildly emotional—not the biggest thing, just something manageable.

Notice where it shows up in your body.

Then, instead of diving deeper, just stay with it for a few seconds.

Noticing:

• is it still, or moving?
• does it change, even slightly?

Then let your attention move away.

This isn’t about pushing through.

It’s about building familiarity.

Where Therapy Fits In

What therapy offers is support in staying with emotions just a little longer than you might on your own.

Not by pushing—but by:

• co-regulating
• slowing things down
• helping you notice what’s happening

It also helps with the parts that are harder to access alone:

• old patterns
• deeper emotional layers
• unmet needs that didn’t get space before

And sometimes, it’s simply having someone there while something moves through.

That alone can change the experience.

***If you want to know more about my approach to therapy, check out my other posts about it!

You Don’t Have to Do This Perfectly

There’s no ideal way to feel your emotions.

No correct sequence.

No finish line.

Just a growing ability to notice what’s happening inside you…

and respond in a way that feels a little more aligned, a little more possible.

And that, over time, is what creates change.

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If this spoke to something in you, there are a few paths you can follow from here:

Each door leads somewhere different. It is my hope that all of them lead back to you.

<3 Rachel